Favours and Exploits

One sunny afternoon at the fruits market...

(Moi salivating at the sight of the custard apples, picked one up and passed an adoring palm over it. Shop keeper walks over with an appreciative smile)

Him: Imported from Australia, $15 per kg
Moi: (gasp) hao gui ye <very expensive>
Him: Oh these are very nice and fleshy, few seeds, guaranteed sweet. anyway, these days all the imported fruits are getting more expensive. look, even the oranges from florida has seen much price increments!
Moi: Well, how much for 1 custard apple then?
Him: Its $6 for the small one but i'll let you have 2 for $10 and $13 for the large one
Moi: Oh, can i just have one small one for $5? my husband's not into exotic fruits and i won't be able to finish the large one all by myself
Him: No lah, can't sell you at cost you know. anyway, you've got a baby to feed also mah
(mmm... little evil plot brewing)
Moi: (sigh, shrug, pout and a rub of the belly) oh yes, my baby would sooooooooo love a custard apple... but it's really a little dear for a fruit, too extravagant... (gently place fruit down and with a wry smile) sorry and thanks a lot... (starts to walk away with hands on tummy)
Him: Wait... ok lah, ok lah, $5. This is for the baby ok. Alot of vitamins you know, good for the brain...

he couldn't have said it better

Seven deadly SINS of Pregnancy

It is hardly surprising that a pregnancy will cause certain changes to a woman's personality and attitude on top of the usual physical changes. But what's less commonly known is that it has a darker side than what most of us had anticipated...the seven deadly sins! You've been warned! Read on...

1.Sloth
C'mon, own up. How many of us have started blaming the unborn one for another extra couple of hours of sleep even though we're already right in the middle of the second trimester, citing inexplicable fatigue? I even have a medical acronym for it: SASS- spinal adhesion to soft surfaces. My hubby is not convinced. He thinks LAZY is more appropriate. ah, what does he know? he hadn't even got a womb!

2.Envy
As I journey on towards 'fattydom', putting on more weight than my O&G will approve, i found myself sussing out the other mum-to-be's in my pre-natal yoga classes. the circumference of their arms (mine have developed dangly bits from its once tone and taut beginnings...sigh), the size of their butts (comments about my rear has gone from the compassionate "oh, its only normal that it will expand slightly" to the downright sarcastic "they don't call it childbearing hips for nothing"), the girth of their thighs (my thighs who were like two estranged neighbours have now become the best of pals, forging fiercely ahead with diplomatic meetings all day long), etc.

My jealousies and insecurities have totally creeped up on mbe and this leads me to the next sin...

3.Greed
Shopping has become in recent months, my no.1 addiction, near surpassing the daily latte. I've snubbed the kind donations and offers for hand-me-downs, choosing instead to invest in a brand new wardrobe that is able to showcase my newfound 'cleavage'. i am totally in love with my new body and this has culminated into the not-too-occassional promptings of : "oh, i see you've BLOSSOMED" to "You're looking FULL in more ways than one"

Well i'll say.. you decide what kinda mama you want to be. Me? non frumpy, tres sexy!!!

4.Gluttony
Well, with all those gorgeous clothes, there is a certain pressure to maintain at an acceptable BMI. so while i am trying my darnest to control my ravenous appetite and consume only what is healthy( thus urghly) for me and the baby, i inevitably find myself making excuses when i gorge on the ice-cream and durian puffs: 'The baby can probably benefit from the extra calcium in the ice-cream!'

5.Wrath
And don't i get really annoyed when people start saying that i shouldn't be eating this, drinking that, hanging out at where, staying up late, saying negative things for fear baby can hear. Nag, nag, nag. lovers and strangers alike. and mostly unsolicited...

6.Pride
Well, perhaps the least common manifestation of the 7 sins during pregnancy. probably the only thing worth being complacent about is the fact that hubby and i couldn't even determine exactly when during the honeymoon the baby was conceived (ahem, we WERE going at it like rabbits) and yeah, we scored a goal when most of the competition were still warming up!

7.Lust
Which leads us to the final sin, LUST, which has, since i'd become pregnant, been replaced with FUSS. i'm constantly complaining about the discomfort in my belly, the ache in my back, the swell of my breasts and the awkardness of the positions. This has undoubtedly causes some 'strain' in my regular consummation with the daddy-to-be. Although, he has recently come up with a brilliant suggestion... to which, thou shalt not divulge. (hey! this is a blog, not a sex forum! Get your own ideas!)

of uuhs and urghs...

Nothing fails to irk me more than the unsolicited guesses by almost every other person on the gender of my unborn baby. a typical exchange goes like this:

(Meet with stranger for the first time in a company-sponsored computer course. Strike up conversation with stranger during coffee break)

Stranger: So when are you due?
Me: July, looking rather ripe for a 5 mth old huh.. (i managed a little self-effacing laugh)
Stranger: Yeah, you're quite big for a 5 mth old, it's gotta be a boy
Me: Oh i don't know...
Stranger: You don't want to know?
Me: Oh no, i just haven't gone for the scan yet. Anyway, it doesn't really matter since it's my first.
Stranger: It's definitely going to be a boy. i can tell. i've had 2, i should know
Me: Oh yeah? (like i care) how so?
Stranger: Cos your tummy is sharp, low and you haven't got much meat on the side of your hips.
(I've put on 7kg in my first trimester which has almost entirely gone to my hips for goodness sake!!!)
Me: Well, i don't really buy into such housewives' tales actually...
Stranger: (Defensively) Absolutely not! when i was pregnant with my boys, i knew before i'd even scanned, and i'm right! Both times over!
Me: (Patronisingly) Oh wow...
Stranger: Yes, i was just like you. Big swollen nose, haggard eyes, sallow skin... (argh! and she simply has to pile on the insults?!) it's the hormones you know.
Me: Oh, think the class starting soon, better go grab myself a coffee first. Nice chatting with ya!
Stranger: (voice trailing in the background) Aiyah, how can you still be drinking coffee............

No Coffee?! Now, don't even get me started there...

Thrills and spills

Here's my personal list of the pros and cons of having a baby so soon into a marriage:

Pros
1. Hubby is pleased that the world views him as a premium sperm-producing stud.
2. The gob-smacked expressions of the people around you as you break the news to them just when they enquire if you'd developed your wedding pictures yet.
3. You get to 'recover' the ang-pow monies in the soonest time possible come Chinese New Year.
4. You can attribute turning up late for work and why you hadn't even started on that project that was due 3 months ago to an excessively intolerable bout of morning sickness.
5. You can finally stop walking around like you've got a grenade stuck up your a#@ and let it all hang out. 'Well, i suppose i'm just one of those who shows really early' you reply indignantly when they enquire about your big tum tum.
6. For the first time, you develop a cleavage!!! (that is enough reason to want to get knocked up fast.)
7. You can make hubby do all the housework while you watch telly and eat ice-cream because its hard work enough having his baby.
10. You have the perfect excuse to launch into a no-holds barred shopping frenzy.

Cons
1. Everyone else is bitching behind your back that you two have absolutely no self control and "there was definitely a bulge under her dress on their wedding day!"
2. You lose that gorgeous sexy figure that you dieted so hard for just to fit into the wedding dress almost as soon as the wedding ends.
3. You haven't even settled the credit card bills for the special floral arrangement that you ordered for your wedding reception and now you got to start buying bottle sterilizers from toddlers' paradise.
4. Suddenly you realise you can't run after a cab, jump across the drain to get to the other side, skip when your boss gives you a raise, lie anything but sideways when you sleep, etc...
5. Giving up some of your favourite indulgences like your montly massages, soft-boiled egg with your kopi and kaya toast at yakun, once-weekly drinking sessions with your galpals, sigh...

"So fast?! Shotgun ah?"

These were the very words my own biological sister said to me when i broke the news of my pregnancy. She had just verbalised what had probably crossed many others' minds when they'd found out. For you see, moi et mon mari have only been married since september and im already into my 20th week of pregnancy.

Most people seem to find the idea of having a honeymoon baby highly incredible, as if its some great improbability or stroke of (mis)fortune, much like scoring a hole-in-one. While my husband would gladly claim all credit to his self-proclaimed superior virility, i think the explanation is far simpler. It was boredom.

Maldives, ahhh... clear blue skies, white sandy beaches, crystal clear waters with the most diverse of marine life, windy days and picturesque sunsets. it didn't earn its accolades for nothing. However, other than some very non-exciting water activities and an even less exciting choice of f&b outlets, the islands have very little to offer. For although we were residing in the Banyan Tree, the villas are not equipped any television or very much contact with the outside world. Which is why, as you can see, there weren't many other options for us to while away our time.

So yes, i would highly recommend the Maldives to any couples who are planning to conceive a little bundle of joy during their honeymoon!

Why blog?

This is my debut entry. My sophomore attempt at blogging. I know almost nothing about this virtual diary thingy that's taken the wired world by storm, although for someone who had always resisted all other seemingly faddish online trends such as friendster, icq and msn, there is a certain appeal to blogging. And so i succumbed... after months of deliberation. Here are my reasons:

1. I'm pregnant! (hence the name) and i suppose like all first-time mums-to-be, i'd like a channel where i can express and share my various emotions and experiences.
2. Let's face it, there's an exhibitionistic streak in all of us, and blogging actually allows us to reveal only what we're comfortable with, minus all the sick, perverse bits!
3. I've always aspired to become a writer one day, and while that remains to be materialised, my always encouraging hubby suggested i start off with a blog, just to get warmed up enough to perhaps one day get my fat ass off the couch and actually start writing

so there, enough reasons to continue pursuing this trivial pursuit? or will i simply slump back into the couch in front of the telly in no time? hmm..